the twenty-third year.

birthdays and the new year are always good chances to take a look back and evaluate. this is something i learned to do at pine cove after my director, craig langemeier, recommended it to all the summer staff. it's biblical to look back and learn from what we see, the Lord commands us to remember what he has done (deuteronomy 8), and explains that those who don't learn from their life are foolish.

so the other day i did.

a lot has happened since my last birthday. a year ago i was an administrative assistant at camp, where i learned that i really do enjoy planning, organizing, and coordinating. i learned what a blessing it is to work for people who live out what they say and believe, and who genuinely love those who are serving them.

i moved up to seattle and saw the Lord provide community, after many months of asking for it in prayer. in that, i've seen that change is good and necessary, and that though we may resist it, we learn from it. i've learned (for what feels like the umpteenth time) the importance of good communication, and not hiding inside my shell with my thoughts and opinions, but letting them out even when it might make things uncomfortable (because it asks for or necessitates change). and doing so early on, not bottling them up until they just explode, which only makes things messier.

i've learned to do everyday life with a few close friends, and been challenged to love them enough to call them out on sin instead of being complacent and letting them live in it. i've seen idols exposed in my own life, and desired to be messy and broken, not so in control. the Lord answered that with the help of some wonderful community who speaks truth and makes me think.

i've found proverbs 14:4 to be very applicable to my life: "where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strenght of the ox."
professionally, i've gone from student to (soon-to-be) registered dietitian, and will hopefully be entering the workplace soon. i've found areas of the field that i enjoy, and some that i definitely don't prefer. in the midst of a packed schedule, i've learned the value of a sabbath, and of getting enough sleep every night.

i've learned that when the Lord gives conviction, it is foolish to ignore. though we aren't above that, because even as new creations in Christ, we still sin. i've seen my own depravity in that, been surprised at myself for the times that I have chosen my way over His, and never been more thankful for a grace-giving God.

i've taken many blustery walks along the sound, admiring the mountains beyond and soaking up the beauty of creation, considering perspective, and how a texan like me ended up so far north. i've learned to be patient, and that sports related injuries take forever to heal. i've decided that greek food might be my favorite genera, and that i need more winter clothes.

i've learned to pray confidently and with persistence, enduring and trusting, and seen the Lord answer some of these prayers. i've visited many museums, seen plenty of great art, and sipped on an abundance of perfect cappuccinos. i've been a regular bus riding commuter, read plenty of good books, and spent many lunch breaks getting lost among the bustling streets of downtown finding all the little nooks and hidden treasures there.

i've learned that sometimes to let go of what i hold tightly (because i think i know best) is simply better, because i serve a trustworthy God, who knows me more than i can know myself. but also that even in that, i do not cease to care about those who have had access to know my heart, who have cared deeply for me and who i have cared deeply for. and that's okay. most of all i've learned to desperately seek truth, because it is the only things that stands. i never want to stop being a thinker or a seeker.

those are just a few thoughts, scribbled out on a spare piece of paper in a coffee shop over a latte on a cold and rainy june afternoon (how many things are wrong with the last 5 words of that sentence??).

here's to another year of learning :)