most recently, i'm facing the prospect of living in a basement for another year. any of you who know me know that another year in the basement is like a sentence to live in the dungeon, i'm such a sunlight junkie. i've been eager for the day when i would move out of the basement since the first day i moved in. there was a tiny sliver of chance that i might have the opportunity to live above ground in a room with windows, and i think i put more hope than i realized into that tiny sliver, because when that opportunity didn't actually become a reality, i think i briefly entered into a half-hour of depression before snapping out of it. i didn't realize i had built up this picture of what my ideal community would be like, how i could love and serve my roommates, all from the perspective of living in the room that fits the picture of my ideal almost to a tee. that wasn't very realistic of me, considering i was putting hope in something that wasn't even an option when i heard about the open room in the first place. even so, those desires to love and serve my roommates aren't contingent on where i live. now, faced with a room that is almost the opposite of what i wanted in every way, i have to decide whether to live there or not.
the hope of living above ground: high point
the realization that this is not an option: low point
the understanding that i can live in a different house, with a kitchen and windows: high point
which brings us back to the next low point, because this morning i woke up all of a sudden afraid of being alone and not having community. as people have moved on or moved away these past several weeks, the number of those who know me well here in seattle has dwindled. i suppose i should say it's in transition, because these past few weeks have certainly been blessed with the beginning and deepening of many very beautiful friendships. at the same time, i know that if i don't intentionally seek out those who are in the same life stage as me, deep community doesn't just happen. which brings to mind the consideration: would waking up in a sunny room all alone every morning be worse than waking up underground all alone but with community outside and upstairs? i'm eager to love and serve roommates. i'm eager to do life with them, to cook for them, to sit on beds and talk heart things with them. these roommates and i are all on the same page with regard to how we want to do intentional community: high point. would that be feasible if i was living disconnected, in a separate floor underneath them? it would certainly would take effort, it wouldn't be convenient. is that what the Lord has asked of me? to give up what i hoped for with regard to lifestyle for the sake of living in community? should it matter if i have to live underground?
all this indecision: low point
one bowl of my favorite cereal and one cup of coffee later... (high point as always :) )
i go pick up my friend katelin from the bainbridge ferry terminal downtown. she came to church to visit today, as did another friend, ryan. (well, they're my friends now. we just met for the first time today) i. love. hosting. people: high point. i love to show them around and tell them all the inside secrets. i like to get to know them and hear their stories. i like to make them feel welcome and answer their questions. after church we went to husky deli with linnell, then fought for 20 minutes to find parking on alki. we walked for a couple of hours, enjoying the sunshine and the people, seeing people we knew and talking about everything from internships to bikes. katelin's low point was probably the man walking around with his huge snake hanging around his neck...i mean really, who takes their snake for a walk??
anyway, it was a wonderful afternoon. relaxed, leisurely. i appreciated the time with the both of them.
husky deli sandwiches: messy.
great day for an iced tea.
and now i'm home, with a long to-do list, and totally exhausted. it was a busy day, and i couldn't sleep last night because i was running through all the possibilities about where i might live in my head. there have been other high and low points to the weekend, such as this being the end of my week long break (low), the prospect of the end of my internship in 3 weeks (high), making chinese food and playing banagrams with the saturday crew (high), talking with my dear friend sarah on the phone for a long time (high), spending hours researching car insurance (low), seeing so many people today that i love and care about (high). some of these things have just made me think, some have made me wonder, some have made my heart swell, and most have made me thankful in some way or another.
who knew that the friends of preggo ladies get a little loco too??
love,
tracey
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