learn.

i've been learning a lot of big things these past few months.

1. job searching takes as much time as a full time job. i've applied to several dietetics jobs, as well as a few ones that i would just enjoy doing, such as being a baker at bakery nouveau. starbucks is next on the list.

2. when i'm home, i naturally take on the role of the house mom. i clean without really thinking, and i've been cooking several meals per week for my busy-bee roommates. it's fun for me to plan the meals, budget them out, shop for the ingredients, and then cook them to bless them. it all comes very naturally to me, and i've never really had a season of life where i could do that for any length of time. it also helps that my roommates and i have a community money  jar that i get to use for the roomie meals :)

3. as i watch what i gravitate toward when i have lots of time, i always either end up outside, in the kitchen, or with a book in a coffee shop. there are so many books that i want to tackle, and most of them are pretty theologically thick and take me a long time to read. i like to learn, but is my motivation in that simply to increase my head knowledge, or is it to be more effective in gospeling those around me? motivation check.

4. God is a Father, and i can relate to him as a daughter. he hears and answers prayers, and when i'm not hearing, it's usually because i'm not listening or have put something in the way. we can relate to him in a very personal way, and i've been learning what that looks like more practically.

5. homemade biscotti and decaf chai makes for a great bedtime snack.

6. i analyze conversations and overthink the things that i say because i want to control how people perceive me. in that, i put identity in their opinions, when my true identity is in Jesus alone. why do i give them that power over me? because i believe the lie that it matters what they think. don't hear me wrong- it is important to represent Jesus well. but to care about what people are thinking of the silly things i say (was that a total nerd comment? how could i have explained that differently?) or the fact that i can't have a non-awkward phone conversation to save my life (i'm serious...if you've known me for long enough, you know it's true) or that sometimes i totally miss the sarcasm and take the comment literally....i could go on and on. those quirky little personality things hold no eternal significance.

7. i can be bold because the Holy Spirit in me is bold, and i can call out what is biblically right and wrong without fear. this sparks in me and even deeper desire to know truth. also, we will often look foolish in the eyes of the world.

8. sometimes things can be good, but not lifegiving. it's okay to step away from them.

9. the heart is deceitful above all things (jer. 17:9), that's why we walk in community.

10. there's freedom in being known and being exposed, in not trying to hide sin or confusion, in being quick to ask for advice.

11. in mars hill lingo, i'm a king and then a priest. that means that i'm gifted primarily in administrative things, seeing things through, getting things done. secondly, in being compassionate and caring. the third category is prophet, someone who loves to know the ins and outs of doctrine, and who is gifted in understanding and teaching it. i think i really want to be that, but it's not exactly my strong suit, and that's okay. we're all gifted differently for a purpose, it's biblical.

12. i get impatient with the Lord's timing, which is a result of my lack of trust in him. i try to change my circumstances by trusting in myself and my abilities. it never fails that when i let go of my agenda, he always follows through, and his timing is ALWAYS perfect.

those are just what comes to mind now, but the list could go on. i've loved having the time to just live and learn these things, to be outside and adventurous, to pick blackberries at the park and make a cobbler with them, to read in coffee shops over bottomless cups of coffee, to go on long runs, to spend afternoons cooking with and for my friends, to give myself away. to find the things that are lifegiving to me.


love,
tracey